Unorganized thoughts.

So the thing about my brain that  hate, is that if something isn't wrong, I will create something that's wrong. It's like I constantly have to worry about things. My boyfriend is complicated. When I'm the one wanting affection and love, he pulls away. When I act cold, he's the one wondering what's wrong. Sometimes I like it this way because I know how the struggle of power works and I can flip it any way I want. BUT most of the time I hate it. Because I'm usually the needy one. I usually create an issue in my mind because he can go longer without affection than I can. Anyway,  the whole problem is that he's my everything. Before I met him I basically was just this unhappy and unhealthy person. And it's not that he's a saint.. it's just that now I realize what's important in my life. I don't want to be out getting drunk and doing things that would hurt or embarrass him. Its not fun anymore to waste money and act slutty. Its more than I ever dreamed of, to be laying in our bed at night, laughing and watching TV. So I've decided I'm leaving my party days in the past. I love him so much for who he is and I would die if I ever hurt him or lost him. Ok so maybe he doesn't always need to hear that he's my everything. Maybe I need to grow a thicker skin. I know how I feel, but constantly speaking your mind isn't always a good thing.