Rum

I'm just sitting here, sipping on rum, thinking about life. Because that's the best time to do it, right? What am I doing? Do I need him? I don't know. Do I love him? Of course! But I feel like, because I wasted so much time on a relationship before, my life should be better. I should be happier. But I don't feel myself giving my all. I don't want to give my money, I don't want to give my freedom, I just want to be alone. Because that's how he makes me feel. And it's not his fault. But it's so annoying when people say "just leave. You don't need him" . Well yea, that's easy for someone to say when your rental history hasn't been shat on. Its easy to say when you have places to go. And now I sound like a horrible person. I pray. I pray a lot and I try to ask God to show me where to go. I try to be patient. Deep down I know that when I stop thinking so much, it'll all fall into place. I want that weird feeling again. I want butterflies. I want to feel like the world is waiting for me to experience it. But right now I feel trapped.