Brad Paisley

My plan was to run errands today, but when I got in the car, it decided not to start. I'm way passed tired of crying about things not going my way. And since I had that talk with my boss about giving my worries to God, I decided to talk to God about it. Somewhat sarcastically, I took a deep breath and said "Alright, God. What is it you want me to do?" I'm serious. In the parking lot of our apartments, I wiped the tears from my eyes and spoke out loud to God. I went back upstairs and prayed. I called my boyfriend and yelled at him for a few minutes, telling him I was going to call him back after I fixed everything. I called a cab and rode down to the car lot that was supposed to work with me. The app process was too easy. I tried two different cars. One wouldn't turn, due to lack of power steering, and the second car died on me in the middle of the test drive. When the lady finally showed up, she didn't offer any assistance to me. She had me steer the car into oncoming traffic, while she pushed me into the middle of 28th street. I hung out at the gas station with these unprofessional car salesmen until they figured out what they were doing. Finally, I got to ride back with the manager. All she had to say was "I don't know what car you're going to buy now." She offered no alternative solution. I asked if I could pay out a larger down payment on a different car, which the younger girl threw me the keys to and told me to test drive. When I got back, feeling excited about finally finding a decent car, the lady behind the counter told me they were unable to help me today but I could come back tomorrow for a cheaper car.. seriously. It was 2000° outside and they never apologized for any inconvenience. I started to cry, but decided I'd look ridiculous walking down the street alone, sobbing. I hadn't been defeated. I prayed and asked God to show me which car He wanted me to have. I stopped by every car lot on the way home and finally... finally found salvation. I walked inside, voice shaking, sweat dripping, throat choking back tears, and I asked the question I had asked 4 previous lots on my long walk: "I have $240 cash and $600 coming in one week. Do you have any cheap cars you can work out a deal on? Really, I'll take anything." They looked at me like I was crazy but an older white man, who reminded me of my uncle (who happened to sell me my first car) said he had one he could show me. We walked up to the car and I remembered hearing my boyfriend say how he hated Chevys, (which turned out to be a lie). Immediately, Brad Paisley's song "Mud on the Tires" popped in my head; the part where he sings about gettin the keys to his brand new Chevrolet. Believe it or not, when we got in the car and turned on the radio, "Mud on the Tires" was playing. My heart cried. I was so happy and in disbelief. People say you'll know when God's talking to you. God knows the best way to get my attention is through an obvious sign like that - the only kind I would understand. We signed the papers and they were more than willing to work with me. If you follow my blog, you know how important it is to me to have a car in my name. So much weight has been lifted off my shoulders. So much. I'm praising God's name today, and never again will I deny that He exists. He's there, you just have to let him be heard.

The BURN!

Don't you love it? The burn you feel during your workout, where it hurts so good? It hurts but it feels like progress so you don't want to stop. When I run on the treadmill I can go all day, till I get that tiny cramp in my side. But lifting my baby dumbbell or doing crunches, I never get tired. I feel proud of the burn. I feel thinner and toned immediately. And the next day, the day after a good workout, when you feel sore and hurt, that's a great feeling. It feels like you accomplished something. You did something yesterday that was more useful than watching Family Feud and stuffing your face with hot fries. The burn is good.

Buying veggies and saving for a car.

The thing about healthy food is that it expires. It should disgust you that the twinkies and brownies that have been in the pantry for over a month are STILL in one piece. I made the mistake of buying extra vegetables and fruits last time I shopped. I just threw away 5 bananas. :( Lesson learned: when shopping healthy, don't stock up. If it's good for you, it goes bad. While I'm on the subject of spending money, this week, money is tight. I'm giving up on my plan to just buy a car straight up. Something always goes wrong and there's always an issue getting the tags renewed. I don't have time or patience to fix other people's problems. Cody does. His hobby is fixing up cars and making them badass, while I couldn't really care less how cool it is, as long as it runs. I have a little less than $300 to my name. Rent is due and Cody is helping me by buying everything we need this week. I'm trying my hardest not to spend ANY money. When payday comes I WILL get a car. I don't want a car payment, but it will help fix my credit, I suppose. No Ifs, Ands, or Buts about it. This time next week I will have my own car, with legal tags, and no problems! Side Note: since the boyfriend is buying dinner all week, I won't be eating as healthy.

I guess I'll eat the broccoli.

Doesn't that look more delicious that
a fat-ass burger? Ok, maybe not.

A burger would taste better. Thick, greasy meat and cheese, covered in toppings and condiments...my mouth is watering just thinking about it. Can you tell my fridge is empty? I'm starving. But now would be the perfect time to enjoy all those vegetables I bought two weeks ago. They've just been sitting in the fridge, looking at me, making me feel guilty for ignoring them. Ok, ok, I get it. Dammit. But I have to admit that eating my greens does make me feel a lot better than a McChicken ever could. I'm not gonna lie and say it's always filling and satisfying to have a salad instead of pizza, but afterwards my body does feel better. After I gorge myself on a large meat-lover's with extra cheese and peppers, I feel pathetic. I feel full and tired and I don't have the energy to wipe the sauce off my face. But after a big salad I feel light and happy. Does life have to be about meals? You eat to survive, not the other way around. If I just get it in my head that my goal is to be energetic and to not jiggle, I can enjoy these vegetables as much as a bucket of boneless buffalo wings with extra ranch. Here goes....

Spring (summer) cleaning.

A great way to workout is to get down and dirty cleaning every inch of your house. My apartment needs a bath. I'm gonna put on my stretchy clothes, lace up my shoes, and scrub the crap out of every corner. I think it should help me relax also. I'm always stressed out.
I think I get it from my mom; cleaning when I'm sad, stressed, etc. It just feels so good to break a sweat and get all your frustrations out. When I sit down at the end of the day and look at the organization of the room, I let out a peaceful sigh and feel accomplished.

I am a stress-eater.

I'm an extremely emotional person. Things hit me harder than most people. The thing that gets to me the most is my stress. I'm always worried about something. Even when I have a plan to solve all my problems and I feel like I should be able to relax, I just know there's something wrong. I know I forgot to lock or check something at the store. I know I left a mess. It's just the way my brain works.

So I'm sitting at home, watching tv, thinking about all the things I can't control, when suddenly, I get hungry. But I'm not really hungry. I just need something I can control that satisfies me. I like large portions of everything. When I drank, I drank A LOT. When I buy anything, I shop in bulk. When I eat, I fill up. It is just my personality. Why have a little when you can have a lot?

I'm stressed out about a million things, so I eat a sandwich and forget. I used to buy half-gallons of vodka every other day. I used to drink my problems away. Now I eat them.

Knowing and acknowledging this should help me. If I only eat when my stomach is growling, I think I can break the habit.

I need to hang up mirrors around the apartment so I can see myself stuffing my face. Thinking about it disgusts me. Note to self: buy mirrors.

Dumbbell and Debt

I can sit here and watch tv while working out. I know it's not the best way, but it's better than nothing.
I look mad because I worked all day and I'm really too tired to do anything else. I'd prove it by showing you a picture of my dishes (stacked up to the ceiling) but I'll spare myself that embarrassment. I am however, going to keep this picture on here. It shows my double chin and horrible skin. If I had chosen not to eat that chocolate today at work, my face might glow a little more. This is a reminder to myself to search for a cleansing mask. I bought so much healthy food and it's still just sitting in the fridge. It always seems like such a good plan, ya know? Buy all the healthy food and none of the junk. Actually, I guess it has worked because I haven't had anything unhealthy to snack on, except at work. Maybe I should go back to leaving my money at home.
I just transferred all my money to my savings account. I hate taking money out of savings. I used to just have cash stashed in a box at the apartment. I screwed up my bank account with one stupid mistake. Long story short; I disputed and wrote letters to the right companies and a year later, I've got a bank account again. Being able to see the money sitting there in savings makes me not want to touch it. I feel like the bank looks down on me for transferring money from savings to checking. I try not to spend if I don't have to. I've got so much to do with my money. I've set up payment plans with all of the credit collectors but have yet to make a payment. I've only got $3,000 worth of debt. I need a newer car. I need a house. I hate this apartment. I'm always stressed. But like I was saying earlier, I'm going to give it all to God. What have I got to lose?
Basically, my worries are a domino effect. If I can get a newer car that requires very little maintenance, and start over without having to hunt down a title, I'll be able to drive to work without having a panic attack. If I can get that ball rolling, my excess money could go toward paying off my debt. Once my credit is fixed I can get moved into a bigger place. If I'm in a bigger place, where I'm actually on the lease and not hiding from the manager, it won't always seem crowded and messy. If I'm not miserable to be at home, I'll cook more, clean more, actually unpack, and be happy/ peaceful in my own home.
That's the plan. Pray that I don't get pulled over before that happens.

Pizza, God, and Crunches.

Thin crust veggie pizza may not be the healthiest meal, but it is a great, light dinner. Every time my friend, Zoe, and I work together we order a veggie pizza. It tastes like Heaven. All the flavors and juicy colors...just yum. I don't even want to post about the energy drinks I had today because I'm so disappointed. Ugh. But I did manage to throw in a liter of water. :)

I had a long talk with my boss today about God. See, I admitted to him that I'm anxious and depressed. He started to explain how God tests people. He said that if you're going through tough times it's only because God has amazing things planned for you. This helps me a lot because I've always wondered why I'm supposed to thank God when bad things happen. Because why would God want bad things to happen? Why would He want me to have a breakdown in the middle of the Wells Fargo parking lot, cursing, screaming, and crying? Why would He want me to feel like giving up? He wants you to trust in Him. When I give up and give things to Him, things start to work out. When I try to do things on my own, without asking God, I fall flat on my face, in front of the world.

I want to believe in God. I have my own testimony and my own reasons for why I read His word and why I pray. HOWEVER, I have my doubts, which I know is OK. I don't necessarily believe in EVERYTHING the Christian religion tells us. I don't believe that Jesus's birth is when they say it is. By researching Paganism, you can learn that the dates were switched around so that people could celebrate Christ at a different time of year. That information makes me weary to trust everything.

I guess the bottom line is that I believe in God, not religion. I believe in praying, and doing good, and giving to others. I don't believe in the structure of having to do certain things the church says. Everyone I talk to about their beliefs all have their own views about what they read or believe. The most important thing about faith is having any at all. That is one thing all religions have in common. We all believe in something. As long as you know there is someone above that's got your back, you're living a good life with meaning.

On another note:
I'm going to do 100 crunches and call it a night.

my weakness.

My number one weakness is: ENERGY DRINKS. I'm always looking for a boost. I hate feeling down and useless. My favorite one is the white ROCKSTAR. It's supposed to have no sugar. I call it the "healthier" version. I spend so much money on these things, it's ridiculous. It's like the drink of Goodwill. We all buy them for each other and drink them like they're goin outta style. I convince myself it's ok, but it's so not. I know if I could cut them out, more weight would fall off. But if I drink one, my stomach is satisfied and I don't pig out. Therefore, I am healthier. Right?

Right.

Small workout.

I still take these everyday.
I can actually tell that my
metabolism is speeding up.
I have more energy after I eat,
instead of feeling lazy and tired.
It also helps to eat a salad instead
of a fatass burger. ;)

I really want to do yoga. However, watching videos and trying to mimick the movements on a smart phone is quite difficult. I decided to just do a light workout tonight.

I stretched and loosened up my muscles. And since I'm most concerned with my upper body, that's what I focused on. I lifted my pink, 2lb dumbbell over my head with my right arm and stretched it over to the left side, bending/crunching to the left. In order for my abs to feel the effects, I controlled my breathing: in as I pulled the weight down to the right, and out as I crunched to the opposite side. Keeping my stomach muscles tightened is what made the workout worth doing. (Switch sides and repeat.) The thing I do differently than most people is I don't count. I know that when I count reps or sets, I'll eventually just be going through the motions, counting down and hoping to get it over with. If I just go until I feel a burn, then go a little more, I won't get tired of trying to meet a goal each time. I pretty much just do what I want.

I finished off the night with some easy crunches. I think women are supposed to have thick figures. I can love my thighs and booty as long as my stomach is flat and my arms don't flap.

That was today's workout. I work a late shift tomorrow so we'll see how that goes.

Also, I think I should update with a new picture every week. That should help me see any progress I'm making. :)

Making small changes.

Any workout is better than no workout. The point is to get your body moving. As someone who recently admitted to having anxiety/ depression, I can definitely say that getting up and doing something can heal your entire body. On my days off, I spend every hour laying around. Just laying. Not being productive in any way. When I start to write on my blogs I can only come up with negative things to say. I feel stuck in my body, which makes me feel stuck in my life. Life isn't hard. Shit happens, ya know? On the days that I decide to organize, clean, stretch, I feel like my life is easy. I know exercise releases endorphines and that may be the whole solution to my problem. I think the reason people, including myself, fail is because we think of working out in the wrong way. We put too much pressure on ourselves to break a sweat and leave the gym feeling shaky from such a vigorous workout. That's a fantastic feeling, one I am familiar with, by the way. But it doesn't have to be the only way. The thing about working out is if you start strong, your body has nothing to look foward to. Every workout video or session I've ever done has taught me that you have to increase obstacles and milestones in order to advance in your weight loss, strength training, etc. Let me stop now before I ramble too much. I'm no expert. I think the point is: you're not supposed to overdo it at first. What happens when you reach the point where your body isn't changing any more? You've built an immunity to your workout. You don't want that to happen.

yoga and 20min workouts

So I've hit a plateau. I lost 30lbs by cutting out alcohol and soda. Now it's time to be more active.
First step: surrounding myself with fitness and inspiration. I cut all the exercise pages out of my Cosmos and stuck them on my wall. I also downloaded a yoga app. I did some research about yoga and came to find that it not only firms and tones your body, but is good for your mental health.
Multiple webpages and blogs say that yoga is great for releasing stress, anxiety, and depression.
Starting tomorrow I'll do the beginners course of breathing techniques. We'll see where it goes from there.

You never realize how fat
you are until you see it in a picture.
For some reason, in my head, I am way skinnier. And more attractive.

I'm tired of the world and its games.

Someone tell me when it gets easier. Blah blah blah life is just hard. I know that. But why does it have to be 95% hard and just a little enjoyable? Why is everyone content with the fact that life sucks so much ass? One thing after one thing after another. Whether I pray or don't pray... the outcome is the same. I don't want to learn any more lessons. I don't want to become a stronger person. I want like a whole week where everything goes my way. Is that too damn much to ask? The way I feel lately is the reason people turn to drugs and alcohol. Because doing what's right doesn't seem to get you any farther ahead in the game. I surrender, world. Whatever game the universe is playing with my life: you win.

I didn't realize...

I didn't realize how good my relationship is. I think I just get in my own head and convince myself that I'm not as happy as I could be. The fact is, I'm with someone great. We enjoy each other's company over anyone else in the world. He's cute, caring, and patient with me. I posted last night about my anxiety taking over me. I just randomly started crying last night and he was the most comforting and loving sweetheart ever. We're going to the movies tonight. We never really have time to go anywhere because we both work all the time. I'm very blessed to be with someone who comes home to me every night, who makes sure I'm taken care of, and who wants a partner in life, not just a sex partner. I'm more in love than I thought I was. I'm just crazy.

I started thinking about us on the way to work this morning and just smiled. When I stop digging for negativity and think about all the things he does that I love, it reminds me that I'm really lucky. Or blessed. I really think I am crazy and my brain needs a reason to be upset.

I suffer from Anxiety and minor depression.

I've never been diagnosed but I know, without a doubt, that I have it. My mom suffers from panic attacks. It runs on her side of the family. I freak out when I have to do things that could cause me any kind of stress. My heart drops and pounds hard and fast. My stomach has butterflies and I get nervous pains in my hands. That part is hard to explain. It's just like a nervous sensation throughout my body. Eventually I find my way out of hanging out with friends because it seems too frustrating to try and get myself in the car. I know the cause of my stress is surrounded by my fears. I'm scared I'll be seen by the Bitch of a property manager, who I quit working for because she caused my anxiety to sky rocket. If she sees me, we'll get a note on the door and get kicked out. Everyday I walk down the stairs, looking left to right continuously, praying she's not walking the property while I'm heading for my car. Every day after work I try not to come home at times when she might be out of the office. I always get a nervous, stressed feeling walking up the stairs with groceries. When I finally make it to the top, my hands are shaking uncontrollably fast, fumbling for the house key, and I make it inside. I always look around to make sure no one left a note from the office, kicking us out. Driving doesn't stress me out as bad as that whole scenario, but it's still bad. Just the thought of getting my car towed because I don't have the money to fix the tags stresses me out. I'm nervous practically the whole time I'm driving. If I'm stessed bad enough, I will empty every cabinet and drawer in the apartment and re-organize every item. It makes me feel more put together. Sometimes I get so filled with worry and sadness that I just cry because I feel sorry for myself for being so crazy.
I need meds but I have no health insurance. My thoughts drive me insane. I went years without seeing a gynecologist because I convinced myself I already had cancer and was infertile. I finally went last week and I'm fine, by the way.
My brain never shuts off. Once I get a worry in my head, it consumes me to the point where I just put everything off and procrastinate everything. I get so depressed that I sleep until the last minute of the afternoon and get ready for work in slow motion.
Working out will help. Fixing my credit will help. Meds will probably help most.

I'm thinking about joining a gym.

I hear planet fitness is really cheap and I like the commercials. Also, you get free tanning.

24hr fitness costs an arm and a leg to start up....

I don't know too much else about other gyms.

On the other hand, I have so much I need to pay off. Fuck it. It took me a few months to lose that 30lbs. Imagine if I had been working out...
Life would just be simpler if I was in shape.

I have $3,000 in debt, a car with expired tags, and at least 50 extra pounds. (Lots more, but I'd be happy to lose 50.)

This time last year I was a size 22. I recently bought a pair of jeans that are size 18. If I can get all the way out of 20s I'll be thrilled. But my goal is to be a size 16 again.
I like to have meat. I think it's sexy. There's nothing wrong with being a size 3, but I personally find thicker women more attractive. I'm from Texas. We love meat and potatoes. That'll never change. But there's no excuse for your fat to hang over your jeans.

I'll sign up for the gym on Friday. :)

This week has been stressful.

I told y'all I bring stress on myself. I KNOW my apartment is small but I still leave my shit everywhere and don't take the time to potty train the dog. I KNOW my car is a POS but I don't take the time to get it fixed. I KNOW we need to move and the only way I can do that is to fix my credit but I'm trying my best and I can't do it over night.

I've recently decided to transfer to a smaller store. I already do an amazing job over here and know that I'll do great over there. I'm really excited. I think it's a sign that I've been wanting to go to that store for months and the position is STILL open. It's like it's waiting on me to come snatch it up. I know how corporate wants stores to look, and I'm specifically going over there to help make the store better.

My boss agrees. I'm relieved because I thought he'd be upset and feel like I was bailing on the store. But he knows I need to fly. I'm a peacock. HAHA!

I have one month until we need to move so that I can have a place to take my dog. My dog is Pig. She's a 45lb lab, who sheds alot and is too big for our tiny studio apartment. My dad has her right now, in Whetherford. It sucks a lot of ass. I miss her so much. We've been though Hell and back together. And I'm terrified that if I can't find a place in time, my dad and my step mom will give her away and I'll never see her again. She's had a hard life. Mostly because my ex and I couldn't keep our shit straight long enough to give her stability. She's lived with different people in so many different places. I feel like maybe she would be better off with a new family. But she's mine and no one can love her like I can.

I'm trying my best. Hopefully I get this Honda this week, get rid of my POS and give it back to Babe's brother, and finally drive a car that won't get hot after more than 20 miles.

We'll see.
Also, I still haven't heard from the doctor, who's only supposed to call if something's wrong with me. So I'm praying my phone doesn't ring.

My decision.

I'm scared to tell my boss but I've decided to transfer to the other store. It's more than half the size of my store, which means there are less members of management. Now that he's hired this new person, for whatever reason, it just seems like I've been demoted. I was upfront with her, though and let her know I cursed her name before she got there. I would just like to have more say. My opinion mattered when we didn't have an assistant. Now I'm less important. I forget that I want to move up and start to accept the fact that I'm just a key holder, then they go and get my hopes up. "Get your resume ready. "Get prepared to move to a smaller store." And then BAM they hire someone else and we're forgotten again. I say "we" because my best guy friend is also a key holder. He'll never admit how awesome I am, but we both know I brighten his day.
Anyway...

Transferring Stores.

Altogether I've been with this company for a year and a half. I keep getting told by multiple people that I'm on my way to a promotion, yet I've been passed up twice in the past few months. I'm ready enough to co-manage the store with the other key holder but not ready enough to get promoted.
On one hand, I'm insulted. I do so much, come up with great ideas for making the store run better, yet no one appreciates me anymore. There are so many members of management at my store now, it's making me feel suffocated.
The down side to transferring stores will be that it looks like I'm taking a step down from the largest, number one store. But on the other hand, I'm not going to feel the same about my store when I'm constantly hearing that the way I have been doing things is weird or wrong. If I'm stuck in this position, fine. But I'd rather not feel like there are so many people above me. I feel like I'm losing my importance. Everyone used to come to me. Now there's someone above me. It's not really a jealous feeling either. I could admit that. It's like a territorial feeling. This is my store and you're taking it.
I'll sleep on it for a few days and pray about it. But I'm leaning toward transferring.

The ultimate goal

It's not that I want to weigh less, it's not that I want to have the endurance of a pro athelete, or anything else. I just want to look better in clothes. I want to be able to sit down and not have a tire around my body. I want to be able to throw any outfit on and feel confident. It's annoying, having to pull down your shirt 2,000 times a day. I want to be able to take a picture and not have to crop out my arms. I want to have glowing and healthy skin. I want to be able to carry my groceries up to the third floor without getting winded. Speaking of energy, I want to be able to stay motivated all day long, and not feel like I'm lazy or tired by 2pm. I want to go swimming and look decent. I'm 22, have no kids, and have disgusting stretch marks.
Everyone is their own worst critic, I know that. But honestly admitting the things you'd like to change about yourself is the first step to changing. I have this image of myself in a size L. Not XL or 2X. I'm fine having a little fat. I just don't want to be self conscious anymore.

That first 30 pounds was a good start. Last year I was a size 22, going higher. Now I'm in a 20, sometimes an 18, depending on brands. If I could get back to a 16 with a flat stomach, I'll be satisfied.

Some asshole brought candy to work.

Look at the disgusting-ness. I am a pig.

I'm disappointed in myself. But that's why diets fail. You put yourself on this strict plan and then once you break a small rule, like having a piece of candy, you feel like the whole day is wasted and you might as well fuck the rest of it off. It's ridiculous how much ate in that breakroom today.
On top of that, I drank soda when I got home. What a dumbass, bloated loser I am! I can hear my chins jiggling as I breathe.
On the plus-side, it was hot and humid inside the store today and I sweated my balls all the way off. I probably just broke even.
Next payday I'm buying a scale. But tomorrow I'm not going to put so much pressure on myself. I'm just going to eat my veggies and drink my water. I'm going to give away the evil chocolate croissants and candy.
Today was a horrible failure. But I learned that I have no will power.

Water binge

I'm feeling fat.
Now that I went to planned parenthood and got weighed yesterday, I'm happy. I lost 30 pounds since last year but I'm now afraid that I will fall backwards and get too comfortable.
So today, I woke up and had cereal with oats and a banana. I'm going to work and I'm going to eat nothing but vegetables all day. Most importantly, I'm going to drink nothing but water. I should bloat a little at first, but when I cut out tea and coffee, even the low carb Rockstars, I should find that I've kicked-started my diet even further.
I'll keep you guys updated.

If you buy it, you will eat/ drink it. I replaced a 12 pack of DP with agua. Muy bien.

Being friends with co-workers.

I used to argue that it was ok to be friends with people you manage. But it's complicated. They assume, if they're not mature and rational people, that you've got their back. If you're like me and you've had a million jobs, you know how important it is to maintain a job for a long period of time and not to screw it up. Recently, I posted something on Facebook and one of my "friends" brought it up in front of the boss. Now, what I said wasn't bad, but it pisses me off that she didn't have more common sense than to keep that between us and outside of work.

It's my own fault for assuming the internet was a safe place to bitch. I need to delete everyone that I supervise. BUT there are one or two people who I could remain friends with because we share the same common understanding that work is work and outside is different. Why can't everyone be smart?

There are so many hours...

I sleep in until I have to go to work, which I think is fine. But then, when I get home, I get extremely pissed off when I've got a mess yo clean up before I can even cook dinner. And in the mornings I'm stepping over things to get ready. I get mad,at the kitchen counters for being so small. I get mad that the dog tears my shoes up. The fact is, however, I acknowledge these things and continue to leave my shit everywhere. The real problem is that I have it stuck in my head that I don't have enough time to do everything, therefore I do nothing.

Today I tried something different. I woke up at my normal 10:30 time, but instead of laying in bed until 11:45, I got up and cleaned the house like I would on my day off. I feel like I'll have a better day now, knowing that everything is cleared off and cleaned up. We shall see...

My Daily Routine

I wake up in a shitty, horrible mood every day. I will never understand why mornings have to come so early. If I open, I get out of bed after snoozing the alarm at least 4 times. I try and eat something healthy like cereal made up of oats with fruit chopped up and mixed in. I pour 1% milk on top, of course. If I close that day, I try and sleep in until 10:30am. This way I can watch all the good Fox shows while ignoring the fact that I have to get ready. At the last minute, I hop in the shower and finally get ready. I always tell myself that I will attempt to be beautiful but, by the time I've used up all the hot water, I give up on that dream. I make faces in the mirror while applying bronzer, and then I head out the door. Not naked, of course.
I take my vitamins around lunch time. I try to have a big chicken salad for lunch, but if I can't get anywhere I settle for a Snapple tea (energy) and some Smart Popcorn. Maybe I'll throw in some peanut butter crackers, just to get full. I don't work out. I figure, once I start, I'll do a great job and then end up slacking. I don't want to end up letting myself down.
I drink lots of water and pee all day. For dinner I have to settle on what Babe wants. It's always so late that I can't put the time or energy in making anything healthy. But I have been switching small things my boyfriend won't notice. I replaced the chili with turkey chili, switched to fat free milk, and cook fresh vegetables.
Don't forget snack time. My favorite is low fat cottage cheese with oranges. (Not all the way fat free because that takes out all the taste.) I pass out watching Seinfeld and repeat.

Vitamins I Take Daily

Vitamin C is always good to take. It's important to me to have a healthy immune system. Your body has the ability to fight off infections and viruses on it's own, so why not help make it stronger? The 2nd pills in the picture are St.John's Wort for mood improvement. Honestly though, everytime I take them, I wind up in a horrible mood. If you're typically a happy and sane person, then you'd have nothing to worry about. I, on the other hand, am emotionally unstable. B12 and Ginseng are great for your metabolism. I have been taking these everyday for a few weeks and I never feel sluggish after a meal. They make me feel great! The Hair, Skin, and Nails vitamins are there just because I want glowing skin and long, shiny hair. :)

I'm very interested in herbs and vitamins. I love natural remedies. I feel so much better having the nutrients I need to function properly now.

Before and After picture

I used to be big. :/
I was unhappy, a big drinker, and very unhealthy. I was young and didn't really take care of myself. I cut back 95% of my drinkinf, threw a LOT of veggies into my diet, and made a few other changes.
One year later...
I'm 30 pounds lighter. :)
I never thought I'd be happy to get on a scale!