My goal is to be desired.

I signed up for a membership at Planet Fitness. And I have so much to share about today. I feel so proud of myself because usually, I have to have a friend go with me or I'll be too embarrassed to try anything new. It was like the first day of school. I kept thinking I was gonna have to choose which group of people to eat lunch with, but I gotta say.. This gym is everything I need. I walked in and went straight to the treadmill. The only other gym I've ever been a member of was Curves. I liked the sisterhood of the empowering women. Which was great.  But I love my new gym. Like I've said before, I'm in such a peaceful and "ready" place in my life right now. I've overcome so many obstacles just in the last year, I know now is the time I'll stick to my plans.

I stayed on the treadmill for an hour. That was my comfort zone. I'm not good at leaving my comfort zone. But I am proud of myself for being solo. Im trying to get in my own head and realize how beautiful I am. I like spending the day with myself. I've never really had this much alone time. The more I focus on getting in shape, the better my relationship gets. When I drown him with attention, I forget about myself and neither of us is happy. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel desired. I want to walk across the house in my panties and catch him staring at how hot my body is. The good news is that he fell in love with me when I was fat. But when you don't love yourself enough to put in any effort, why should anyone else love you?

I just feel so good right now. I feel strong and motivated. I've been laughing and smiling. I feel blessed. The pessimist in me believes something bad is about to happen. But if I pray and I take care of my responsibilities, why don't I deserve to be this ecstatic?