I thought I was pregnant.

I don't wanna be one of those girls who says they're pregnant every month for attention. There have been at least 5 pregnant girls at the store I work at, just in the last year. And I've been having baby fever since I fell in love. But it's not like we're trying or anything. Now is not the time, but really, who is ever truly prepared?

Anyway, my period was a week late. I convinced myself I was creating a little baby inside my tummy and I'm not. I got my own hopes up, knowing that it probably wasn't going to happen. I want to be a mom. I want to love and take care of an adorable, new, precious life. I want to teach and parent. I wanted to make a life, my very own baby. It sounds dumb now that I'm seeing the words all spelled out like this.

I cried this morning, in the bathroom at work. Another girl had a sonogram she was showing everyone. But God knows when the right time is. God knows we have too many bills and our apartment is too small. There is a reason I'm not pregnant, and I'm ok with it.

One day it'll be our turn to tell our families the great news. We'll have doctors visits and sonograms. We'll pick out cribs and strollers. We'll hold her and love her and cry together, tears of happiness. Now is not the time.  :-\ It's just that I was laying in bed last night, holding my stomach, praying that if I was pregnant, that my baby would be healthy and grow so I could meet her one day.

I guess now is just the time to get in shape. Too many days have gone by since I've been to the gym. I've just been working so much to make up for all these crap-ass bills. And my house is a disaster. Yay.