Side Effects

First off, I have to say how much better I feel now. I can play games, but when it's time to get down to the core problem, I always have to speak my mind. Otherwise, what's the point? Say what you want and if the person you love isn't willing to listen, move on. Hopefully we stay this way because I literally could die right now, I'm so happy. I'm very dramatic.

Now, B6. Oh Brother. B6 is good for many things: metabolism, PMS, nervous system, seratonin levels, etc. BUT, and the reason this is so important is because I take my every thought and dream seriously.... B6 gives me bad dreams. I've been taking it for almost a month now so it's had plenty of time to reach my system. I have such vivid dreams that I wake up feeling pissed off at my boyfriend for something he didn't do. My anxiety is so bad and I'm such an emotional mess of a person, that this throws off my whole day. Now I don't want to stop taking the vitamin because of all the great benefits. So I just had to change my way of thinking. This reminds me of melatonin. SIGH. A side effect of melatonin is vivid dreaming. Which can sometimes be scary. But there's no sleep better than sleeping on a 3mg melatonin pill. Well, except for a shot of Niquil. Now that's good sleep. Anyway...

I have to love myself. I used to hate when people said that because it sounds so cheesy and pointless. But it has solved all my problems. The way I see it is I am deeply in lust and love with my sweetheart because of the way he is, in every aspect. And the fact that he seems to not care how he turns me on, turns me on even more. To get to the point.. you have to be someone worth falling in love with. Do you want to be with someone who doesn't work out, who doesn't put effort into themselves, someone who only thinks and cares about you? Hell no. You want someone who is confident, healthy, and happy. I'm going to be that person. I feel better this way; working out everyday and putting effort into myself inside and out. I feel blessed to be this happy! :)

It looks good!

I'm noticing a way flatter stomach and slimmer arms and legs. I'm not exactly where I want to be yet, but I'm a little less embarrassed to take off my shirt in front of my boyfriend. And here's the truth: I don't starve myself and I don't eat salad all day, everyday. But what I do is make a decision between having leftover cake for breakfast or a banana. I always choose the banana. And I honestly feel better! It's not like I never enjoy fast food either. It's just that I always get grilled chicken sandwiches or a large salad instead of deep-fried fat. The thing I'm most strict about is snacking and sodas. Of course every once in a while I'll take a sip of my boyfriend's Dr. Pepper, but I never get my own. 99% of everything I drink is water. And not just when I'm thirsty; I'm obsessed with water. I like cleansing the toxins from my body. My skin looks better and I pee a lot. Soda is just not good. Ever since I watched Super Size Me, and I saw how much sugar is in a 2 liter... no. Just no. It feels good to make lifestyle changes. I've always tried crash diets or excessive workouts and noticed that when you have unrealistic expectations and put too much pressure on yourself, you usually let yourself down. Yea, it's a process and it'll take time, but months from now I'll be glad I made these changes. The fact that my arms are slimmer and my tummy is shrinking is enough to keep me going. :)

When you come home to me

When you're on your way home from work, listening to the radio, do any songs remind you of me?
When people mention your girl do you smile and blush? Or do you shrug your shoulders and change the subject.
When you wake up in the middle of the night and I'm by your side, do you feel like I'm taking up space? Or do you slide closer?
When you catch a glimpse of me getting in the shower, do you turn away or look for more?
When a pretty girl smiles at you, do you think of me?
When you say "I love you too" is it out of habit or is it true?
Do I give you chills when I whisper in your ear?
Do you feel nervous when I hold your hand?
Are you embarrassed that I call you my man?
Do you care about my dreams and goals?
Do you notice when I want you to hold me?

I feel cold at night. It's a sad feeling. It's like I'm reaching and pulling and we're constantly out of touch. Is it me?

What can I do to get your attention? What should I wear? How should I talk? Do I care to much? Or do you not care at all?

I lost my mojo.

I haven't worked out in days. It's starting to take a toll on my mental health. I'm feeling insecure and depressed. All things, big and small are keeping me frantic at night. I'm feeling like I need my boyfriend's attention or I don't feel beautiful. Which then makes me the weaker one in the relationship and now its like I'm needy and emotional.
Why does he get to play games with my head? I can play games too. My mission is to get my mojo back. I'm gonna work out everyday, keep the house clean, and focus on ME. How did I get him in the first place? I acted like I didn't need him. And why should I? Even if he is the only reason my heart melts. Even if his brown eyes make me drool. Who cares? I can be irresistible. And i will be. :)