This week has been stressful.

I told y'all I bring stress on myself. I KNOW my apartment is small but I still leave my shit everywhere and don't take the time to potty train the dog. I KNOW my car is a POS but I don't take the time to get it fixed. I KNOW we need to move and the only way I can do that is to fix my credit but I'm trying my best and I can't do it over night.

I've recently decided to transfer to a smaller store. I already do an amazing job over here and know that I'll do great over there. I'm really excited. I think it's a sign that I've been wanting to go to that store for months and the position is STILL open. It's like it's waiting on me to come snatch it up. I know how corporate wants stores to look, and I'm specifically going over there to help make the store better.

My boss agrees. I'm relieved because I thought he'd be upset and feel like I was bailing on the store. But he knows I need to fly. I'm a peacock. HAHA!

I have one month until we need to move so that I can have a place to take my dog. My dog is Pig. She's a 45lb lab, who sheds alot and is too big for our tiny studio apartment. My dad has her right now, in Whetherford. It sucks a lot of ass. I miss her so much. We've been though Hell and back together. And I'm terrified that if I can't find a place in time, my dad and my step mom will give her away and I'll never see her again. She's had a hard life. Mostly because my ex and I couldn't keep our shit straight long enough to give her stability. She's lived with different people in so many different places. I feel like maybe she would be better off with a new family. But she's mine and no one can love her like I can.

I'm trying my best. Hopefully I get this Honda this week, get rid of my POS and give it back to Babe's brother, and finally drive a car that won't get hot after more than 20 miles.

We'll see.
Also, I still haven't heard from the doctor, who's only supposed to call if something's wrong with me. So I'm praying my phone doesn't ring.

My decision.

I'm scared to tell my boss but I've decided to transfer to the other store. It's more than half the size of my store, which means there are less members of management. Now that he's hired this new person, for whatever reason, it just seems like I've been demoted. I was upfront with her, though and let her know I cursed her name before she got there. I would just like to have more say. My opinion mattered when we didn't have an assistant. Now I'm less important. I forget that I want to move up and start to accept the fact that I'm just a key holder, then they go and get my hopes up. "Get your resume ready. "Get prepared to move to a smaller store." And then BAM they hire someone else and we're forgotten again. I say "we" because my best guy friend is also a key holder. He'll never admit how awesome I am, but we both know I brighten his day.
Anyway...

Transferring Stores.

Altogether I've been with this company for a year and a half. I keep getting told by multiple people that I'm on my way to a promotion, yet I've been passed up twice in the past few months. I'm ready enough to co-manage the store with the other key holder but not ready enough to get promoted.
On one hand, I'm insulted. I do so much, come up with great ideas for making the store run better, yet no one appreciates me anymore. There are so many members of management at my store now, it's making me feel suffocated.
The down side to transferring stores will be that it looks like I'm taking a step down from the largest, number one store. But on the other hand, I'm not going to feel the same about my store when I'm constantly hearing that the way I have been doing things is weird or wrong. If I'm stuck in this position, fine. But I'd rather not feel like there are so many people above me. I feel like I'm losing my importance. Everyone used to come to me. Now there's someone above me. It's not really a jealous feeling either. I could admit that. It's like a territorial feeling. This is my store and you're taking it.
I'll sleep on it for a few days and pray about it. But I'm leaning toward transferring.

The ultimate goal

It's not that I want to weigh less, it's not that I want to have the endurance of a pro athelete, or anything else. I just want to look better in clothes. I want to be able to sit down and not have a tire around my body. I want to be able to throw any outfit on and feel confident. It's annoying, having to pull down your shirt 2,000 times a day. I want to be able to take a picture and not have to crop out my arms. I want to have glowing and healthy skin. I want to be able to carry my groceries up to the third floor without getting winded. Speaking of energy, I want to be able to stay motivated all day long, and not feel like I'm lazy or tired by 2pm. I want to go swimming and look decent. I'm 22, have no kids, and have disgusting stretch marks.
Everyone is their own worst critic, I know that. But honestly admitting the things you'd like to change about yourself is the first step to changing. I have this image of myself in a size L. Not XL or 2X. I'm fine having a little fat. I just don't want to be self conscious anymore.

That first 30 pounds was a good start. Last year I was a size 22, going higher. Now I'm in a 20, sometimes an 18, depending on brands. If I could get back to a 16 with a flat stomach, I'll be satisfied.